Thursday, May 20, 2010

Be your own cheerleader: How to create when those close to you don't believe in you

Let's continue our previous conversation with business and spiritual development coach, Lily Finch.


In the early years when a woman has little babies around her is the most difficult. She needs the care and protection of someone who honors her and her children. Many of us didn’t get that. We had husbands who dominated, manipulated, controlled, deceived, used and abused us and our children because their own insecurities and fears were so great. Some of us had to learn how to go at it alone and raise our children in great financial insecurity in order to be true to ourselves and protect our children. But many women refused to rock the boat of this 'illusionary security’ and stayed put. (This isn’t about a ‘right and wrong’ way, as most single mothers, because their fears and insecurity issues hadn’t been overcome either, just went on to ‘cook up’ even worse conditions for themselves and their children. All perfect. Perfectly painful!)

Now, I am spending the majority of my time consulting with and holding retreats for some of the millions of women at the peak of their lives. Many of them are middle aged and they are just now coming to grips with the fact that they are without the children who gave their life meaning and purpose. Only now are they rubbing the sleep from their awakening eyes, and they are finding out that they don’t know WHO they are. They don’t know their unique purpose and they can’t see that they have reinforced sick and dysfunctional relationships or have just become another one of the ‘good ole boys club’ on the corporate or business ladder. Both extremes are killing them and squelching the last little flicker of life out of them! Their core belief is the same thing it always has been; that if they DO have a dream or DE-SIRE, there are only two choices: make, force, push and manipulate to provide ‘security’ for themselves or stay helpless, weak and dependent on someone else by NOT rocking the boat or speaking their truth...

...In the end, the only person who can really love, honor and cherish you is YOU! And you can only learn how to fully do that by transforming your current belief through a direct experience with Source! Therefore, giving up your dreams to someone else because they can’t handle change, is as effective as asking a plant to grow without light or water! It will kill you! And a relationship which is worth saving-WILL never ask that of you!

Women who want to live a life of freedom, peace and fulfillment have to give up certain things:

1.We have to give up seeking illusionary ‘security’ and seek security from the only place authentic security comes.

2.We have to give up thinking that the way to this authentic security is going to happen without us learning how to align with it. Real security isn’t a random arbitrary event.

3.We have to GROW UP and give up the expectations we might still have of our parents, spouses, partners and any others to be different than they are.

4.We have to grow up and start taking responsibility for RECEIVING truth and the subsequent peace, freedom and fulfillment which comes from truth. (Truth always sets you free, remember?)

5.We have to commit to being true to our truth no matter the cost (and then we will see that there CAN be nothing lost when we do!)

6.We have to stop making others responsible for our lack of intuition and discernment and therefore our happiness.

7.WE have to stop basing our value and our peace upon anything external including:

A.Money or the lack thereof.
B.Unrealistically flawless and thin bodies or ones that are SO not that!
C.Youth or it’s opposite.
D.Caring what others think of us!

As long as we care about the good or the bad OPINION AND ACCEPTANCE of others including those in our communities, the husband/boyfriend, the lack of husband/boyfriend, the church, those we have given authority to, those that tell us what is and isn’t true, we cannot be true to ourselves. And as we get older we have to give up caring even about the very opinion of our adult children! (That is, if we DO want our children to grow and evolve toward Source which is the only way they will find their own peace, freedom and fulfillment!)

Lily Finch, is a business and spiritual development coach. Her work can be found in the Best Selling Series, Wake Up...Live The Life You Love. In the book, A Search for Purpose, you will find her writings featured with Wayne Dyer, Anthony Robbins, Bill Harris and Brian Tracey. She is the author of ‘Holy and Humorous Hell and ‘Butterfly Medicine:Metamorphosis from Caterpillar to Butterfly, Woman to Goddess' under the pen name, Flowerbird.
She is an Inspirational Speaker and the creator of the ‘AlchemEnergy Method of Energy Transformation and the AlchemEnergy- Alchemist-in-Training Codex E-Course. She is a Business Entrepreneur and even a general Contractor.
Lily consults with women on being whole and integrating the spiritual with the physical on every level. She can be reached at: http://lilyfinch.com/

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